2014 - A Fresh Start!

As another eventful year comes to an end,

There are innumerous things I wish I could mend,

Couple of situations I want to rewind,

Few answers I regret I couldn't find.

360 days when I didn't thank God for His kindness,

And mere 4 days when I prayed to him out of selfishness,

Few mornings when I woke up to praise the sun shining,

Rather more such morns when I dragged outta bed, 

whining.

Seldom were the days when I regarded 

others' sorrow above my laments,

& even fewer the days when I thanked my parents,

Never on a winter eve did I think 

of the unfortunate as I put on my fur jacket,

& hardly a day when I thought of the handicapped 

as I held my tennis racket.

But as the approaching new year stretches out to me,

I firmly hold its hand with new zeal and glee,

'coz what I'd missed last year due to life's mess,

I wouldn't this time so there's more of joy 

and regrets less.

- Pratidhi Chowdhury

"Goodbyes"

When those I admire or love leave me, or I leave them, goodbye isn't what I want to say. I want to tell them that their gentle touch on my cheek, which caught my desperate tears, made me feel whole once again. I want to tell them without their quick giggle and tender words, my life can feel lonely, that their warm embraces make me stand up to life's challenges once again. I want to let them know that they take with themselves a part of me I can never incorporate into myself & that the jigsaw of my life would always be incomplete without them. But no-instead I tell them, "I love you", give them a hug, and say goodbye. I didn't want to say goodbye. I didn't!


When those I am in conflict with leave or I leave them, goodbye isn't what I want to say. I want to talk about pieces of me that are torn, damaged, and fragmented because of our interchanges. I want to tell them that, just maybe, I've learned something new: in how to be, in how to live, in how to grow. I want them to know that I hate them for casting upon their dark influence upon my life but at the same time admire them for their contribution in making me a little wiser, a little mature. I wonder why it got so complicated and sticky. But no- instead we say with fortitude, "Goodbye". I may shake their hand, glad that I won't have to see them again. But there is so much unsaid and goodbye doesn't skim the root of my feelings. I didn't want to say goodbye. I didn't!


When someone I love dies, goodbye isn't what I want to say. I want to tell them the truth about us. I want to set it straight. Get to what was real. That their words could hurt, that I wasn't as strong as they'd hoped, that I still struggle to forgive them. I want to know how shattered I am at their sudden departure. At the same time, I want to tell them that their love made life easier, free, more accessible. That I'm grateful for their presence. I want to tell them I forgive them for being human, that I carry no grudges but sheer love and goodwill for them and that their mention shall always stimulate a trickle of tear from the eye, the one with mixed emotions-happiness, good times, fights, sorrow and the emptiness they've left me with.
But no- instead we say "goodbye" at a memorial service. And I feel captured in a storm of emotions that violently swirl me around. I didn't want to say goodbye.


When life turns to me someday and says, "Say Goodbye," goodbye isn't what I want to say, I've said enough "Goodbyes" my whole life, let me say it right, now. Just let me say it right. But life's hands will close around me, ushering me to something new. It will be the only time where "goodbye" was what I needed to say.

Cupid's touch!

            "Even if my heart should call out your name, even if these arms should want to embrace you, and even if I'm all cried out and in pain, I’ll never fall in love that way again."

She kept repeating the same in her head over and over again but all in vain. Saying you’ll never fall in love again is synonymous to saying you’ll never smile again. No matter how hard you try not to, someone is going to come along and make you. Stumbling upon love once makes you wise enough to want to stay away from it, yet as they say you don’t fall in love consciously, it just happens.

Love hurts and scars and wounds but no heart is strong enough to take in that lot of pain. She was no different. Being deserted by the cupid's soothing touch often leaves you in excruciating pain or even worse, all numb. She wanted to deviate her mind and concentrate on things other than him. Yet her freethinking brain seemed more adhered to her heart than to her head. A battle she didn't feel worth fighting. She wanted to call him, tell him she was glad he was there, that he cared and pampered her, but words to him no longer fit right in her mouth, silence was the only acceptable state her heart would grant. He would never know for she refused to showcase her emotions in his presence or maybe she was still uncertain about it. All the words he could have had, all the phrases he might have danced to, the smiles which would have been imprinted upon his heart, would never be. And his lips would never be able to reply to the words she could not say.

When Tears Come To Your Rescue...

There are days when nothing goes the way it is supposed to be, when life appears to be unusually hard on you, that’s when you sit in an isolated corner and suddenly tears roll down your cheeks and there you are- utterly clueless of the reason that generated those tears. These are those incoherent moments when words can’t perfectly convey what the heart holds or feels like and the best way they can be let out seems those gentle drops of emotion that trickle down your gloomy face. It’s like some innate pain, a long unfulfilled desire, a lost friend, a broken bond, an inarticulate rationale that lies behind the emotional outburst; Though somewhere those tears bring in relief, lighten your heart, release the long suppressed stress and pain and set you free.